Kabhi hum bhi deewana waar phirtay thay
Kabhi hum bhi kissi ko chahtay thay

Kabhi hum ne bhi ansoo bahay thay
Kabhi hum bhi muskuray thay

Kabhi koi paas tha meray
Kabhi koi saath tha meray

Kabhi mera haath thaama tha kissi ne
Kabhi mujhay chaaha tha kissi ne

Kabhi hum bhi andhay hoay thay
Kabhi hum ne bhi hosh ganway thay

Kabhi kahein pe, mudaton pehlay
Kabhi chand lamhay saath bitaey thay

Kabhi hum ne khwab dekhay thay
Kabhi hum ne sapnay sajay thay

Kabhi kissi daor me, kissi sheher me
Kabhi hum bhi deewanay, mastanay hoay thay

Afreina
June 1, 2011
1814PST

Too tight

So tight

That you couldn’t breathe anymore

Set the bar so high

That you couldn’t see it anymore

Such were your expectations from me

Failed miserably at them yourself

Too much

Too tight 

Too high

Caught in your own trap

Your own shorcomings

You gave it away

Yourself

No one else had to

Uncover your shallow self

Worth less than the dirt

Beneath my feet

Misplaced you

At a pedestal too high

None of which

You deserved

And that’s what you did

Fallen from the sky

To a place you belonged to

In the first place

It was I who was blind

Deaf and dumb

To your folly

Your insecurities

Your shortcomings

You

Gasp all you want to

In the freedom you sought

For you will never be free

The more you try to escape

The tighter it will be

So gasp, pant, rant

Writhe, ache and strive

In your own trap

Your own noose.

–

Afreina

May 24, 2011

1136PST 

Out of nowhere

You come

Peeping from behind a curtain

From a twisted word

Out of nowhere

Like a rhythm without rhyme

Like a windless chime

Your memory comes

And I ask myself

Were you real

Or just an apparition

A figment of my imagination

And then I look around me

A thousand remnants

You left behind

What what should I remove

What not shall I erase

And then I think

Nothing, nothing at all

Just the ugly memories

The ones which hurt most

The ones which anger me

The ones which leave me speechless

Just those ones

I’ll erase

The rest

I’ll rewrite

I’ll reinvent

I’ll rebuild

The way I always have

And I’ll stand

And I’ll walk

And I’ll run

And I’ll fly

Till then

I’ll let time take its toll

And the rest

I’ll leave to nature

And the many good people

I have around me

That’s all I’ll do

To forget you.

–

Afreina

May 9, 2011

1644PST

Everything seems beautiful

Everything seems to be dusted with gold

Dreams are beautiful from afar

Because the closer they get

To becoming a reality

The more vulnerable I am

To them bursting

Like a bubble

In my face

In my eyes

Piercing, shattering

My vision

Is blurred

Flecks of gold dust

In my black eyes

Beautiful

Is what pain has made me

Scarred and blemished

Everything and anything

But plain and simple

Far from abstraction

Far from concrete

Far from the herds

Far from everyone and everything

I am beautiful

Everything and everyone is beautiful

From a distance.

–

Afreina

May 6, 2011

1853PST 

I’m losing control

I’m losing myself

I better let go

Because if I don’t

Then the brink of sanity

Will let go of me

And then where will I be?

What good will that bring?

For if I am not

Then what will all else be

I must, I shall, I have to

Hold on tight

To let go

I have to loosen my hold

To have control

I have to jump off

To spread my wings

and FLY!

–

Afreina

May 5, 2011

1646PST

And then he draws comparisons

What he had and had not

What I have and overlooks what I don’t

Then why compare

Why illustrate

When we are not equal

Counted everything he did for me

Overlooked everything I did for him

All that matters is him

His view, his sacrifice

His flawless self

To remain silent

Is respect

To question, to argue

To try and make him understand

Is disrespectful

So many years

And still a polluted mind

No amount of liberation

No stroke of genius

Can change his thought process

He will always find folly

In those who question him

The basis being

That he was born first

As a consequence of nature

That is the real order of things

The only tangible indicator

Which I have never questioned

Which I have never challenged

And in his mind

That is what I do

No amount of rationale

Will or can make him understand

I am me and he is him

The gratitude I have

Or my strife in itself

He cannot understand

We are not equal

He cannot stop impressing upon me

Yes we are not equal

We never were

We never will be

Then stop drawing comparisons

Because the only contradiction

Lies in your mind

Not mine

–

Afreina

May 5, 2011

1135PST

Now I know

how it feels

to have your trust broken

how easily everything

can be shaken

build build build

it takes a lifetime

and there it is

smashed in a minute

how normal it is

for him to hide

to deceive

to not find fault

in his breach of trust

but in fact

in you

for wanting to know everything

which is what he laid the foundation on

openness

no secrets

what was that

a binding for you

and not him

because the bar is raised

when it comes to my fidelity

and forgotten when its him

all bindings all rules

apply to thyself

and not the beloved

‘tis my fault

he says

for reacting so vehemently

for wanting him so passionately

for feeling i have been robbed

of the trust i had in him

his mistake, his err

it can never be

i should apologize

always and ever

for every folly

lies in me

then why does he love me

this erroneous being

who will always stoop

to make him feel like a king

December 28, 2010

So deeply have you wounded me
So passionately have you murdered
The trust between us
and then you say
everything is alright
ignorance is a bliss
stick to your pigheaded ways
kill the emotion in me
you’re a free bird
no ones stopping you
all your choices
you have made
question me you can
the same scale falls for you
have fun if you will
all the fun in the world
for I am a chore and no more
then go I say
and you choose to stay

December 27, 2010